Category: Dating and Relationships
If you or others you know would like to interact with blind singles and if you are single
yourself, there is a group called Blind dating community. If you put these words into
the facebook search box, it is the first link that will come up. Happy hunting and please
spread the word!
Why would a blind single look online specifically for a blind partner? A blind partner won't read your mail or take you shopping.
Because a blind partner can give you sex, love, affection, and read your braille notes.
Want your shopping, done and mail read, highter a helper.
is this yet another try-out in addition to the penpal magazine or has that been dropped completely?
also, what ever happened to the website that was supposed to be created ages ago? just curious.
I'm with wayne here. also i can get my phone to read my mail, and take myself shopping. why do i need to date someone to have that happen. shallo much? i don't care if blind or sighted long as i love them.
Everybody's blind as a damned bat once the lights are off, or if the power's out.
Senior, I truly hope that was simply a poor attempt to be satirical on your part.
I'm in a relationship, so wouldn't have use for it, but like Chelsea, admit to some curiosity about whatever happened with that dating site for the blind that was supposed to have been created awhile back. Maybe it never came to fruition, and this is someone's attempt at making one?
the reason I am so curious is because things are ever-changing with what the OP has decided to do but we never find out what happens to the things that just flat out disappear.
lol yeah, because that's what we look for in a partner. someone to do shit for us....riiiiight.
lol yeah, because that's what we look for in a partner. someone to do shit for us....riiiiight.
Yeah, if one needs help with something, one would want a partner who could help them. Just because a partner may help somebody doesn't mean that's all they do or they are helping them all the time. A phone reading your mail is no good if somebody steels it or the battery goes. What about filling in forms?
Actually, I purposefully don't allow my partner to help me with those things. I know he would if I asked him, and very occasionally he has to if we are in a hurry, but he knows that I can do these things myself. I can scan all my mail and read it on the computer, access most essential services online and I have a number of iphone apps that do all kinds of stuff for me.
If I really needed more help, I could ask the local council for more assistance and they would give it to me because they too recognise that it should not be a partner's job to be a carer as well.
It is a beautiful thing for a partner to help you with anything and everything 100%.
However, you should not choose a partner based on how much they can help you.
I suspect, if you aren't rich anyway, if a girl turned you down, because, well, you can't drive her on dates....
Now, if your rich, you can buy her affections until the money runs out.
No money? No Honey! Lol
But, a person can have there wants.
Damn, my glass just got empty. Where's that woman!
If a sighted partner chooses to help with things such as reading mail or filling in forms, that's their choice, but it should not be why a blind person is with them, and it is most certainly not a sighted partner's job to do those things. It is our job as blind people to come up with ways to do that independently. I personally think Loui has the right idea to keep those things as separate as she is able to. My respect to you for that, Loui.
I also do it that way because, when there is really something I have trouble with, I don't feel so bad for asking for my partner's help. He knows that when I ask for his help it is because I truely need it and can't find any other way around it.
In response to Senior... that's one of the most ridiculous comments I've ever heard. I don't look for a partner to read things to me or take me places. To the original poster... good luck with the group. There are already a few blind singles groups on FB, and neither are very active.
I would also be exceptionally wary of groups like this, as they will probably, over time, attract scammers because of the perception that blind people are vulnerable. many are, so I would not like to think the sorts of people that will eventually end up in places like this.
dating sites are full of people who just want money or a visa.
No way I would allow scammers on the group and my magazine for blind penpals is
still there, but my email address is not working and I still find it hard to find someone
who works with google directly and is in the US to help me gain access to it. If
someone here knows of someone who can directly help me, please add me to skype
as: adrijana.prokopenko
Okay. I tried before.
Here is a really strong page.
http://www.google.com/contact/
Now, I'll add you to Skype and give you the exact same page.
The problem with helping you, even on Skype, is you'll need to go to this page, or call the phone numbers.
There is no other way to really help you.
You have to personally get in there and do it.
Smile.
Psychic Teacher, you wouldn't necessarily know the person was a scammer (or spammer) until they'd already gained access to your group. Sure, there are ways of picking out the spammers, and these ways are maybe 75% effective. But oftentimes, you don't know a Facebook account belongs to a scammer or spammer until they post.
I'm an administrator for a group for people with social anxiety, and we have exactly this problem.
It be really difficult for her, because she doesn't register them.
It is just email.
She'd need a website, and some controls.
Even if you remove an email address, that same person can just resubscribe with a different one.
I agree, but I think advertising in monitored places and groups is way safer. That is
why I don't spread siuch info on sighted related groups or sites and then people judge
me and blame me for not accepting sighted people without knowing the full story
behind it. Sighted people are also welcomed in the group and facebook groups makes it
easier for admins when they see members, because it gives you info if they belong to
any other blindness groups, the person that added them or the common friends that are
on their profile. Facebook also allows you to report a post or user easily and so far we
haven't had any troubles with people.
not that you know of, but here is the thing: you cannot control what other people do. just because you post things on websites and such that you think are safe, does not mean that everyone adopts the same policy. the reality is that people will do whatever they want, no matter what you have to say about it or how many times you try to police them and get them to do exactly as you.
also, these people don't do anything publically. they will pm other members of the group rather than posting publically.
I'd say that was true.
When you open an adult dating setup, you have to expect the members to act like adults.
That means, they must deal with the people that contact them as adults.
They can not expect the admin to do this for them.
The admin should not get involved as well.
Hi,
Here's my two cents about the dating a sighted person thing. I have really actually only dated one truly fully sighted individual. I dated one guy who had low vision a while back and even that was enough for me. He could still help out with reading things and reading signs when we were walking places. In a lot of ways, we were both more independent with one another than we are solo. I live in an area where there are some incredibly hard streets for me to cross by myself. We could cross those streets when he was here because he could see to cross them. We helped each other with things and worked well as a team to get things done. For me, since I've never had that before, I found this incredible. Would I not date someone though if I really loved them and I could see a future with them, simply because they were totally blind? Of course not. Would I consider it a bonus if the person I fell in love with had at least some vision and were willing to help me with things? You bet I would. Chances are, i'd be helping them with something, at some point anyway because i'll have strengths that they don't. If a person really loved me, they wouldn't consider it a burden to help out with things.
Take care,
dawnielle
Hey senior, are you looking for a mistress or a mommy? lol. that's all I'll say on that.
to Dawnielle, the person who's most suitable for an authentic relationship is one who can do such basic tasks as crossing the streets on their own. Please don't take this the wrong way, but saying that if you fell in love with a person who had a bit of sight is a bonus, is just like saying: ah well, if the man I happened to fall for is rich, what luck I'd have. lol.
As wayne said, two partners who help each other out is a beautiful thing, but you shouldn't consciously go seeking that out lol.
Hey guys, I have a new term for ya: you know all about golddiggers, right? what about... Sight-diggers...
No? Nope? Hmmm. Maybe my brain is fried today. lol.
I'm looking for a girl that can wash dishes.
That's it! Lol
that's all wayne? how unimpressive that you're so low-maintenance.
hahahahahaha
I can cross streets on my own. There are some streets around here however, which, even my mobility instructor has said are not a good idea for me to cross alone. One of them has no talking signal, it's about six lanes, plus a turn lane, and the light is extremely short, about 20 seconds. The cars don't wait for you to get across before they start turning behind you. The other, is equally as bad, with the cross-street being the street I just mentioned. I know a guy who has low vision and even he doesn't cross those streets without one of his sighted kids or his sighted wife there. He has excellent mobility skills. And, that's the way I see it. if a person happened to be rich, which I don't care if they are or not, but if they were, and they had lots of the qualifications I was looking for, then hey, why not try it and see if things go anyplace? It's the same with a person with at least some vision. if they've got some vision, that's great. That means we can maybe go hiking together alone or do some traveling alone, things I would not be able to do with a totally blind person. If they're totally blind, then that's great, too. I'm open to either one being the case. I agree, two people helping each other is a great thing.
Ok; I can sympathize about the complicated street crossings. I have a few where I live myself.
But I used to date a guy who has some usable vision, and no way in my right mind would I cross those streets with him, even... I guess it depends on the person and how much you trust them...
I used to think it might be nice to rely on the little vision my ex had once in a while... lol. (insert cartoon crash symbol here.) nope. All that got me was a few bumps on the head that I never would have gotten if relying on my own skills with zero vision. lol
Just curious though... Why do you say you couldn't travel alone with another totally blind person.
If she can wash dishes, I'll get her across any street she wishes to cross. Lol
I kno plenty of blind people, totally blind and low vision, who have travelled by themselves.
if you don't feel you can, your mobility is not up to scratch.
this comes from someone with very low vision who has travelled in the north of norway among other places.
I have said it many times. a partner's role should never be as a carer, even as a secondary one. that isn't what most people sign up for.
I agree with parastroika 100 percent. I traveled alone as a single young girl who happens to be totally blind quite frequently. I went on buses, planes, by foot, you name it. Fun times. and it can definitely be done. And it's totally spot on that most people don't sign on to be someone's caretaker when they enter into a relationship.
As most have said, there'd be no way I'd rely on my partner for anything if he were sighted, even if he offered to give me lifts - of course it's different if we were going somewhere together. But I wouldn't be ashamed to have his help if I really needed it, ie, if my scanner stopped working etc, as Lui said.
I know of so many couple where the blind person relies on their sighted spouce for absolutely any and everyything. It would change the whole dinemics of the relationship to more of a "needy" thing I can't help thinking. I just don't get it, but we're all different.
It's a tricky business because in the natural course of any relationship, you will have to care for each other at some point. I don't think it unhealthy to take advantage of your partner's low vision any more than it would be unhealthy for me to take advantage of my boyfriend's height when reaching a cupboard, or his strength when opening a jar. If you can live with complete independence, but are still okay with occasionally receiving help from your partner, I say there's nothing wrong with that. It's about balance. Don't go overboard with it, and certainly don't go for a sighted person just because they can help you. Beyond that, I say whatever the two of you agree upon is more than good enough.
I think the difference is is that when there are ways around something, when you can be independent, you should be, so as to minimalise the times you are relying on your partner to be a carer as opposed to a partner.
I certainly don't ask my partner to open every jar before trying it myself, for example.
it would certainly be easier for me if I were to just get my partner to read my bills for me so I could pay them straight away, but I have no problem with sitting them on the cctv or scanning them into my computer and doing it myself. It is satisfying to do so.
There are also times when I really do need his help, so I don't feel so guilty for asking him when I know I don't do it too often and it's something I need.
For example sometimes he has to fill in forms for me that have to be done by hand, so since it's not a regular occurance I don't mind asking him for help.
You're absolutely right, Meglet. Part of a healthy relationship is that each partner helps take care of the other sometimes. I don't think anyone is down on that. I think we're talking about the people posting here who seem to think they require a sighted partner to do tasks of daily living for them, or travel with them, things they would be capable of doing independently...Provided that blindness is the only disability. I understand that, where multiple disabilities are present, there can be other challenges. I think what most people are disagreeing with are the ones who think they need a carer, as Loui calls it, not a partner.
Yeah, I understand that and I don't like it any more than you folks do. No, I don't ask my partner to help with everything before I've even tried. I live alone anyway, so instead of waiting around for someone to open difficult jars, I bought a jar opener. Problem solved. I'm also more than capable of dragging a chair over to a high cupboard and fetching whatever it is I need. But if he's standing right there anyway, not currently occupied, I have no issue asking "Hey, would you mind just grabbing the peanut butter for me? It's way up there.". Most importantly, he doesn't mind doing this, and is happy to help. I could do it myself, and 99% of the time I do. But occasionally I'm okay with asking, and it pleases him to help. Every now and then, he asks me for help with something he could probably do himself; I'm okay with that. It's part of any human relationship, and a lot of it has little to do with sight. For example, Gregg's asked me to make him a sandwich, not because he can't, but because he was exhausted and wanted to be off his feet. I obliged.
As for things I really can't do on my own, I need to go outside of my partnership because Gregg is also blind.
What gets on my nerves are parents who push me to date someone sighted so that my life will be easier. There is no doubt that my life would be a bit easier with a sighted husband. Crazy Kate, for example, has a husband who can drive her somewhere if she really needs it, though she generally prefers to travel on her own. I don't currently have that option. But my family seems to think that, despite the fact that I currently live on my own, I should want a husband who will take care of me. Drives me up the wall.
parents come from that generation that basically married because that's what you did. You married a nice guy to be bread winner. women needed to be taken care of and men did the caring, is basically how it went. it's in the nature of older men to do this. My partner is old fashioned that way, and he will often do things for me when I don't even ask.
I do things for him too. it's natural, I love to care for him when he is exhausted, and since he is the one working, I am ok with that.
to be fair, he is sighted. However I have been with blind people too, and while it's not the same, there's nothing wrong with it. People don't have to be together for society's sake anymore, and this is a good thing. if you don't want to be with someone, you don't have to be.
The first and foremost reason you should be in a relationship is because you want to be and you love that person.
However using a dating site not aimed at blind people meant that I had a much wider choice of people to talk to and get to know. If your choices are so limited, there is the possibility that you will end up settling, rather than finding someone who truely makes you happy.
I'm not a fan of a blind-only dating site, but I can't exactly fault it, either. Plenty of people have very shallow, limiting parameters: she has to be blonde; he needs to be tall; she has to be thin; she needs to be rich. Blind isn't so different, really. Not my cup of tea, but that doesn't make it wrong.
You guys, I'm just guessing, but I think Senior got drunk and trolled this post. Everyone's got an inner troll. I certainly used to drunk troll the Art Bell weirdos on the Use.
Seriously though there's things you're not gonna get your partner to help you with, not only for all the aforementioned reasons but because you both are different. I'm not gonna ask my Christian wife to read some printed material from the Freedom From Religion Foundation to me. Of course I can get it online, but just an example, there are things you're different from your partner on, and you're not gonna drag them into it.
You'll need help with some things, so will they. In my case, She has arthritis and joint type issues, and I'm fit as a horse so I pretty much do anything that way to help her out. net groups when I was youngehe's probably laughing about it nowr, just a little good clean fun at the time. That's what he did here and
I think we ought to be just a bit less judgmental of those who don't have utterly tip-top travel skills.
Some people have issues with self-confidence. Some have issues with balance, or seizures, or other mobility problems. Many have combinations of these things; often, lack of self-confidence is fed by physical issues or simple lack of experience.
Not everyone has the same opportunities or, frankly, the same fortitude. I am not suggesting that everyone needs coddling, but no one needs harsh judgment about their ability to travel.
I consider myself a fairly accomplished traveler. For me, it's no sweat to take myself to an airport, figure out where the check-in is, then get on a plane and end up somewhere else. I've also done it with buses a few times; it can be a bit nerve-wracking when you don't know what you're doing, but if you know how to ask and who to speak to, and if you're persistent, you can usually get it done.
And yet, I cringe at roundabouts. Really really busy wide streets are somewhat intimidating. I don't like the huge crowds in airports...I deal with them, but not easily. I have a nervous stomach, and this makes everything worse. There are probably times where I take a different way, or hesitate, or worry, when some of you others don't. It doesn't mean I'm a complete and utter shut-in, but it does mean my mileage differs from yours, figuratively and literally.
That being said, if you have a partner who has no issue being with you in parts of your travels that make you uneasy, then go for it. I'd try not to rely on it too often, but everyone's got weaknesses.
Just a question: do you think two blind or very low-vision people hiking in the woods on difficult terrain would be a good idea? I don't. Maybe it's possible, but I daresay it isn't wise.
And yet, a blind person could go with a sighted person with far less risk, assuming that sighted person wasn't an idiot. Sighted people can drive. Sighted people can sometimes get un-lost by reading street signs. There's no sense whatsoever in saying that being with a sighted partner doesn't yield advantages, because it does.
And here's where I might offend some of you:
If you're picking a partner because of how much they can help you, you've probably got things mixed up somewhere and ought to consider re-prioritizing;
However, if you picked a partner because you love them, and they're willing to provide you with some of those advantages I spoke of, then put your self--indulgent blind pride in its place and enjoy what you have.
Not everyone wants to help you because you're helpless. Some people - partners especially - want to help you because 1. they can see you struggling, 2. they honestly love you and want to do you some good, and 33. helping each other is what partnership is all about, regardless of disabilities. You gain nothing by refusing help from a partner who has an advantage over you, all by itself. The only time it becomes a problem is when you either rely on it exclusively, or when the other person resents. But how about letting them tell you, eh? Might go a long way.
Everything he said.
A word about travel: Gregg makes a good point about opportunities and how unequal they can be. Someone who has grown up in an urban area and received regular and competent mobility training is at a huge advantage to someone like me by default. I grew up in a rural area, and received absolutely no mobility training, formal or otherwise, until I was eighteen and moved to a city. Even now, living in this urban area, I need to beg and scrape for any training at all, even for simple, necessary routes because the one instructor serving the city plays favourites. CrazyKate has no problem getting O and M to learn where a coffee shop is, but for some reason, unknown to either of us, I have to beg to get training for school and other necessary bits. So, at 20, I am still less competent than a fifteen-year-old who has grown up in a city and received formal training. I'm not saying there aren't blind people who do well without it (I'm sure they're out there), but please do remember, while you're judging, that not everyone has the same opportunities, talents, and strengths.
considering this is a site for people with vision issues, I generally assume if a person says they cannot travel easily on their own, they say they cannot do so because of blindness being the reason. unless they qualify something else as the reason, then this is just what I assume and therefore I try to set people right on that score, mainly that blindness is not the end of a person's dreams to travel the world. or at least it shouldn't be.
I don't do sighted gide with my partner ever, so when we go walking, I am on my own with the cane because I don't enjoy sighted guide one bit.
there used to be a shortcut I used to take on my old way home that was through the bush on a rough track, and I saw no issue with cutting across it to take 5 mins off my journey. however I would probably ask someone who is more interested in hiking, because its not quite my thing. camping and stuff is just ikky.
the overall point is basically that if you have 2 possible choices to talk to on a dating site, a blind and a sighted person, the determining fact
or of who you talk to should not be that 1 is sighted so can bring more to the table to specifically help you.
I'd agree that you shouldn't be using someone's sight (or lack thereof, for that matter) as a large determinant for whether or not you'd date them. This is particularly true because when you're at that stage, you probably don't know them all that well, and aren't well-equipped to judge how they'll deal with helping you from time to time.
However, if it matters to you a little, or if you largely value things that a sighted person will give you that a blind person won't, that's your prerogative. You just might make it a bit harder, that's all, since some sighted people who are technically capable of giving you what you want may not be compatible with you for a host of other reasons. It's just one more isolating factor, one more bar to jump for a potential partner of yours, and needs to be borne in mind.
Tell you what though. You're not a bad person if you're not as confident as all the other blind folks out there, and are a bit nervous about mobility and crossing particularly noisy or busy or wide streets. You're not a bad person if sometimes you let someone else cut up meat for you at the risk of hacking it into ugly pieces or shoving something off a plate when the meat proves too tough. You aren't less of a person if you immediately ask a partner for help twisting the lid off a jar when you might've been able to do it yourself. These things, all alone, don't make you a bad person. It's how you deal with your weaknesses in these issues that will define you. If you're sitting back and not learning a thing, not trying, not bothering, then okay, maybe we could have a back-and-forth about your future prospects if you keep going down that road. But if you do it from time to time, and you have a partner who honestly doesn't give a rip (and who may do the very same thing to you in different ways)...well, that's called life. Sighted couples do it to each other all the time. My mom, just over five-two, would ask my dad to reach up to the top shelf to get her things when he was handy, even though she was perfectly capable of either hopping up on her toes or of pulling over a chair. Sometimes, you just ask someone else for help. And the sooner people's necks stop getting stiff at the very mention of having someone else do something for you, the sooner people stop using one blind person who took one easy way out to represent how the whole damned lot of us are badly represented by such an irresponsible slacker, the sooner the blind community would stop chewing on its own bloody tail so much.
I have dated both sighted and blind.
I refuse to walk down the street with my lover having her showing me how independent she is.
Even sighted people hold hand, link arms.
We are together, I am not your mobility instructor, teacher, or anyone you need to prove anything to.
I am your lover, and anything I can do that makes your life easier, is my pleasure.
As pointed out, everyone doesn’t have the same travel skill level.
Even the seeing, do not have the same abilities as other seeing.
Just because you are sighted, believe it or not, doesn’t make you able to drive.
I am talking people with perfect sight, and no other disabilities.
They simply do not like to drive, and can’t deal with it.
Some get lost, and various other things.
So, when I hear blind persons putting others down for lack of mobility skills, I want to take them to a place I know they will not cross and have them prove how independent they are.
No, do not choose a partner for what they can do for you, as to blind, or not blind, but also, your partner, or at least mine, will be my help mate, or we don’t need each other.
She is my lover, and if she happens to be sighted, I never want to hear her say, “what if I couldn’t see, what you would do?”
I have been there, and it is a bad place to be.
After I heard this, that person turns around and ask me to repair the car. “Well, what if I wasn’t able to repair the car?”
My lover is my right hand, and as my right hand does what I need her to do period.
Together, we are a team, and will have a good life.
I’ll take her across any street, or whatever she requires anytime I am there to do it.
When I’m not, we’ll work out a way to get her over.
That's perfectly fine. I understand all of your points about partnership being about help; I've been in a long-term relationship for over six years, and we help each other out all the time.
And no, I'm not a fantastic traveler myself; so I'm not judging anyone for their travel skills or lack there of.
What grinds my gears, and what I responded to, was the idea that people contemplate getting involved with someone for their skills. It's the what can you do for me, babe, attitude that I can't stomach.
Naturally, as your relationship progresses, as you grow to care about each other, as you become more intimate, you become a stronger team. You figure out what each of you can bring to the table to make the other's life easier, more pleasurable, etc. You come together in time of need and you balance each other out. That's perfectly fine.
But if you're floundering around out there in the dating world, with the mindset that: I have to find a partner to help me with this, that and the other, you're not ready for a relationship, period.
It's fine if you ask your sighted partner for a lift now and then because you're in a pinch, you've been together x amount of years or months, you've done plenty of things for him too, you love each other and he loves to help you. Go for it. But if you're looking for a husband or a wife who can drive you around, stop right there; you're not looking for a partner, just not willing or able to pay a driver.
We all love helping our partners. And I speak for myself, I am not haughty about asking for and receiving help from my partner. Just today, I asked him to make me a salad. I was dog tired, and I hate making salads. I can make one, and I sure love eating them, but I just didn't feel like it today; I was wiped out. So you bet I asked him, and he didn't think anything of it.
But if I went in search of a partner for his cooking skills, for his driving abilities, for his money, or for any other asset that he might bring to the table that can benefit me in a, shall we say, direct manner, then I'm just a user and I don't deserve to be in a kind, committed, fair relationship until I get my act straight and concentrate more on what I can bring to the table rather than what benefits I can gain from dating one person over another.
Yes, I can agree with that.
Nothing wrong with appreciating having stuff done for you, or with being pleased that your partner can cook or drive or whatnot. But no, as I said before, you shouldn't get into a relationship largely or purely on those grounds. If they play a tiny role, you take a risk; anything bigger, and I think you're just about doomed to disaster.
Saddly, it is exactly the reasons people choose others.
Money, does he have a job, is she able to cook and care for a home, and just many other reasons.
What is her/his race, religion.
I guess in that respect as a blind person saying you want someone that can see, would fall under the same umbrella.
Many feel this way, and I've flat out been told, I will not date another blind person.
It's sad, but it seems to be the majority feeling.
I heard a saying someplace.
If we lived in a tent, but had love, and were help mates to one another, we'd be happy all of our lives and would be rich.
I do agree with you Wayne.